Forward. Retreat. I know, the phrase seems to be a tug of war, moving in two different directions. But it feels perfect. Welcome to the world of quantum processing. In a world where for centuries we were trained to rely on our brains and institutions ‘that knew better’ to tell us who we are and what we need to do, we are awakening to the real power in our lives: ourselves, a signal born into a body that can acquire, retrieve and process information trillions of times faster than the brain. When in the midst of many decisions, chaotic circumstances, intense fear or immense joy, the default pattern is to work harder, faster, to get away or get through it all. The quantum method embraces our body’s innate ability to process information and support the brain in making a choice, but requires us to stop, breathe, and be in our bodies. The awareness comes, the choice clarifies, the moment eases into the next. Awakening and learning to listen to our signals takes practice, and comes easier in community where knowledge and support are shared in a safe, committed space held by participants deeply invested in their own evolution. These experiences have lately take virtual form, in which we spend hours each day for a week or more diving deep into our own beliefs and strategies, feeling our words and those of others, and sometimes, simply feeling our own breath. These retreats, time out of the fray to awaken, learn, practice and recharge, are essential to our unique paths of discovery and growth. Forward. Retreat.

After six days spent in such safety and support, it can be chaotic, overwhelming, even depressing to return to the wider world, remembering all we learned and became during our time in community. Not that the time in community was always easy. Remember my dwarfs of misery? I listed five the other day: cold, heavy, dizzy, weepy and snotty.  Rewiring one’s nervous system means all of those things, and then some. I’ll add two more: frantic and fiery, as capacity becomes accustomed to the heightened awareness, increase in energy flow, and billions of little details overlooked or ignored in a sleepier state. Jamming foot to accelerator in a race from a gas bar where an automated pump wouldn’t take my credit card. Panicking at the list of unread emails. Double-booking appointments and then spinning stories of incompetence as I unbook and rebook into a dwindling number of slots on my calendar. Two hours into my day it was as if the retreat never existed.

Then I stopped, dropped my phone on the desk, closed my eyes and breathed, deeply in, deeply out. Again. And again. Suddenly I was not jamming things into my calendar, but choosing to allow invitations to engage, and allowing them to flow into a week of possibility. I was not overwhelmed, but inspired. I no longer beat myself up about what I had left to do or do over, but felt the warm spread of knowledge that I can do this, and I will do this, each thing in its own time. I had not taken a deep breath in two hours, and stopping to do that – retreat – opened up a world of flow that moves forward. I also did not blog this morning, or draw a Mana card. And now as I choose to blog I can feel the tension in my writing, flow tightened by distraction, words inching rather than pouring out as I recount the details of an average day. But I breathe into the tension and allow the recording of where I am, in the moment, perfect in its imperfection, brilliant because it is real. Words on a page, owned and shared, rather than spinning stories of what-if and maybe-later and when-the-time-is-right in my mind.

Breathing. Living it. Retreat. Forward. Retreat. Forward. It starts here and never ends but oh, the thrill of the expanding journey.

Thanks for reading.