We are writers. We long to be writers. We wish we had time to write. I’ve been in all categories, and continue to meet folks who share in the joyful angst that is the call of the written word. The unspoken question: if we all want to write so damn badly, why is it so hard to just sit and do it?

Consider this.

When were you first introduced to writing? Was it a kindly teacher who encouraged you to use your imagination, gave you constructive feedback and ample time to finish? If so, you’re probably not even reading this. You are fluently writing your 57th manuscript and wondering why so many writers you know complain and drink so much. For me, writing emerged from me early, too early according to my first public school teacher, who expressly forbid me from writing because five year olds shouldn’t know how to read or write.  I couldn’t help who I was, but I learned very quickly if I didn’t want to be punished, to put down my pencil and do what I was told. Over time, what I was told became who I was. Follow the rules, avoid the punishment.

Ironically, punishment in early schooling often involved writing. Who remembers writing lines? I will not talk in class, written 50 or 100 times. And the drudgery of cursive writing class, getting criticised or even smacked on the hand for Os not properly shaped, As not pointed enough. Grammar class: endless drills on rules (and their gazillion exceptions in the English language) or the classic: write me 500 words on why you should not use the word ‘stupid’ in class, or whatever else transgression warranted punishment.

And punishment was not limited to the classroom. Did you have a diary? Did anyone read that diary, or a journal or letter or note, without your permission? It may have been a bratty sibling, a probing parent, or a nosy friend who entered your private world uninvited and used your words to shame, humiliate or otherwise kill your confidence and your joy.  We learn quickly in moments like that to find safety in hiding one’s words deep inside, especially things intimate and important to you. The thing is, the best writing to read is that which is intimate and authentic. Hard if not impossible to protect and share at the same time.

Then, enter high school and literature and writing become a literal requirement for a high school diploma. Pressure to perform, with zero choice in the topics, titles, or creative output.  Read this book, submit this essay, write this exam or fail, all with the timer ticking, regardless of whether you liked the book or had anything to say about it. I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve met who said they haven’t picked up a book since high school, read little and write even less … people I feel would have much to share with us and the reading world if such an ingrained hatred of the craft wasn’t so deeply embedded.

What about those of us who insist on writing, then harbour the hope like an aching, unresolved, unrequited love?

We are living in a horribly delightful thing called a double bind. Taught that something is wrong when we know in the very cells of our being it is right for us. Trying to live by someone else’s rules when we know congruently in ourselves those rules are best for them, not for us.  Double binds run silently, buried with memories forgotten and feelings dismissed, dampening efforts forward with squirts of negativity that slow us down, make us feel like we’re pushing against something, raise doubts, shake our confidence, and plant the stories that we are wasting time, that it’s too much work, that you’re not any good at this anyway. So, given the opportunity to write, you tell yourself the house needs vacuuming. Maybe you’ll write after the kids go to bed. Or go to college. Or get married. Then there’s grandchildren, so the cycle repeats …

The fact is, the body remembers everything and has no ability to judge what serves and what doesn’t. Only we can do that, we as the divine signal that is us, the essence that is who we are and knows why we are here can take ownership of our lives and choose what we want. If writing emerges as a desire, yet is met with resistance, consider a new pattern of thought. Rather than labelling yourself lazy and trying to push through, consider yourself a genius and allow the resistance. Mindful pause yields wisdom; pushing through yields words on paper and even more resistance as the pattern is repeated.

The good news is, we as writers and as human beings have two important tools at our disposal: awareness and choice.  With these tools, we can create the life we want. It starts with a breath, mindful and relaxed to the base of the spine, inviting and allowing the inner space for whatever surfaces. Chances are, the words you’re searching for are there, under a shameful sticky blanket of memories and feelings from a time past, a person long gone. And you have the choice to stay stuck or to invite the release. It’s more fun than vacuuming. Plus it serves you longer and further, for your writing and anything you want in your life.

And you don’t have to do it alone. The CODE Model™, or Creation Out of Deep Energy™, is something we each can learn and live from, and we live and learn best in connection with others on the journey.

For example, I can offer:

• 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
• Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into writing and limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
• Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to write, exploring what lights us up in writing and what challenges us.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.

Want to know more about The CODE Model ™?
Read the offerings or reach out to me or any of these awesome women listed below.

Thanks for reading and for showing up!

Jennifer

Jennifer Hatt is an author, communications consultant, publishing doula and CODE Model Coach™ .
ownyourstorynow.com

To learn more about The Code Model ™ and the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge, visit:

• https://wel-systems.com/
• The brilliant website of its founder, Louise LeBrun, https://louiselebrun.ca/
• The powerful offerings of CODE Model Coaches™ Stela Murrizi, https://sparkingthesacred.com/
  and Sheila Winter Wallace, http://bodygateways.com/