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The Many Layers of a Gifted Book

Layer one: it was a surprise. I live in a town with a post office, and pick up my mail once or twice a week, usually around bill time. This time, amid the flyers was a parcel card, and I hadn’t ordered anything. The box came out, return address from a dear friend. Woo hoo! Considerable weight for a little box. Layer two: felt like books.

Gifts are magical in many ways. Planned or spontaneous, objects or experiences, casual or intimate, gifts take many forms and are given and received with many intentions, and when done in the spirit of sharing joy, always bring a moment of light into the world. But to me, a book as a gift is all of that and then some. Layered as the pages within it, the sentimentality, the message, the energy shared in the gifting of a book.

So, back to the  small box holding great promise on a rainy Monday morning. Coat off, bags stowed, I stand at my table and tear in. Sure enough, books.

Layer Three: all gifts of books are honoured and deeply appreciated. Whether I read them or not, would choose them or not, I hold in my hand evidence that someone took the time to share something they thought would be of interest to me, would bring me joy, and perhaps something that intrigued, delighted, or even annoyed them but you might see something I didn’t. The start of a conversation across the miles, their experience inviting mine.

I spread my gifts on the table. Three books. Curious choices. Clearly used. I read the note, and felt the warm wave of grateful tears. These were not just books. These were her books, ‘a piece of my history’, she shared in her letter.

Layer Four: a gift of the sacred, nothing to do with the content of the books, everything to do with what those books represented to a dear friend, where they went with her, where they took her. If those books could talk … and in a sense, they do. Her letter describes the two books she discovered in the aftermath of her beloved husband’s sudden death, which 20 years later still brings her to tears. Those books, paperback, thick with guidance on finding joy and caring for self with humour and ‘spunk’, as she called it, were read in warm bubble baths, perused with a glass (or more) of wine, have the warping and markings of splashes, spills, and no doubt teardrops as well. She is ready to move on, and chose me to witness and share in her journey for whatever it may offer me.

Book three is fairly pristine, barely read once … a book she found interesting in parts but overall a challenge to connect with, written by someone with more money and resulting options than most of us will ever know. What will I read it in? She invites me to learn for myself.

And there is the final layer in my surprise gift of the week: what will I do with my gift, through my gift? That is a question I ask myself daily about my gift that is writing itself. Do I sit on it and do nothing? Do I stack these books with the others for reading ‘sometime’, just as I stack words and ideas deep in my brain and body for ‘sometime’ when the tasks I deem important are not as pressing? Or, do I honour these books as the invitation they are to dive in, explore new parts of myself, make new connections that feed a more expansive life, honour the words captured and shared as the divine energy they are? And will I allow myself to see the metaphor that explains why I have so many words to share and so little time to share them?

The answer is always Yes … and on days that I forget to ask the questions, I have enlightened people in my life to remind me.

Used books. Divine invitations. In my infinite world, they are all the same, and more. So much more. Just like each of us.

Only a book can do that. A book written. A book read. A book shared. Why I do what I do, and sometimes, don’t do it enough. In a world starving for connection while drowning in content, our presence as writers and readers, whole in ourselves and sharing in community, invites energy flow into darkness in ways that cannot be duplicated.

And yet another layer, from gifts I have given and received in the form of new books, especially those written and produced where I live. A book purchased from a local author, publisher or bookstore adds financial energy to the unique perspectives and heartfelt offerings that we in the book biz dish up daily, seeing and feeling and describing things in our own unique ways, inviting you to do the same.

So write, read, share, and know that every moment spent in the presence of your words, or another’s shared, is a moment of grace. Just like moments shared with friends, with loved ones, with self. Enjoy it all, and spill a little wine or coffee, or splash some bubbles in the process.

Thanks for reading, and writing 🙂

  • Jennifer

Want to learn more?

As writer and CODE Model Coach™, I engage Quantum TLC ™ for my own discoveries and can guide you in learning how to engage it for yourself.

CODE Model™ or Creation Out of Deep Energy™,  and Quantum TLC ™ are part of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge developed by Louise LeBrun.

I offer:

  • 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
  • Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
  • Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to explore what lights us up and what challenges us in living a fully authentic life.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.

Posted on

From Winter to Spring

Seasons of Patterns and Permission

It is March Break in many local school districts this week, and I am struck by how I still hold that as an invitation to do things differently, to do that writing/cooking/reading/crafting I’ve been meaning to do all winter.
My youngest graduated from high school three years ago and my oldest, in fact, is on March Break but as a teacher (and he was far more excited about his break this week than he ever was as a student!)

Yet for me, the pattern of kids’ school schedules is ingrained. This past winter, at the sound of snow on the windows and snowplows on the road, I’d grab my phone and gleefully read those beloved words from the radio website: School Cancelled. I mean, seriously, I work from home and set my own hours … I can always get to ‘the office’ , and I can have my own snow day anytime I want. But still, I crave that notification from ‘out there.’ Curious …

Snow Day and March Break: in a house with three children in three schools, those patterns ruled the lives of everyone living there, especially me as mom coordinating it all.  Now that I live alone, that pattern no longer serves, yet I keep running it. Why?

The other ‘P’ word: Permission.

Something in an institution declaring ‘this is a day off’ giving me permission to ‘have fun’, to ‘take time for me’, to be on ‘vacation.’

To hold and do things ‘the way I want.’

A choice I always have, and was choosing to give it over to an ‘authority’, like the school board, rather than claim it for myself. Huh.

The joy and the challenge of living from our divinity is the constant invitation to learn, explore, choose and create each moment we are in. Metaphors are a massive clue to patterns we run unseen, or choose not to see. A snow day is not about a snow day. It is about me continuing to rely on an external institution to give me permission to do things differently, or hold things in joy rather than in obligation.

Permission is mine to give myself, to live fully in the moment from my divine self, my impulse.  Do I allow myself that choice? Do I give myself that permission? A small thing like a nap, a large thing like a trip, it doesn’t matter the content. What matters is claiming the choice, and choosing from authentic self, rather than from habits, obligations, beliefs, or external forces seeking something from rather than for me.

How often do we deny ourselves permission to feel, to know, to express our truth? We push back tears when we hear of something that breaks our hearts, so we don’t make others uncomfortable. We grit our teeth and endure the presence of someone whose opinions violate our own, because we want to ‘keep the peace.’ We formulate our day by the calendar and clock when we long to just breathe and be, unstructured. Life is a series of moments created with a higher intention leading to our ultimate purpose. Sometimes those moments require us to schedule our time, complete tasks not to our liking, put some desires on pause. When these tasks all map to our intention and our purpose, however, energy flows, life flows, we as our authentic divine selves are in flow.

When these tasks map to external expectations, or beliefs and patterns that run separate from or counter to our intention and purpose, flow is constricted or blocked. Over time there may be irritation, exhaustion, or worse, no sensation at all because we have ceased to notice. And when we cease to notice, to remember who we are, we become a vessel serving past patterns and/or the interests of others, rather than living from and for our divine purpose.

So what does that look like?

For me it’s not highly dramatic. In this moment it is me at my desk. I once called it work, some moments it is 🙂, increasingly it is simply a part of my life that I choose to engage fuelled by curiosity and joy in what I will discover and create. It is an ease that was always available to me, and only when I gave myself permission would I allow it. And I could only give permission when I noticed my pattern of giving that choice away.

It can be as easy as that 30-second pause and deep, slow breath.

Have a great week, whatever that means for you,

  • Jennifer

Want to learn more?

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.

 

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Season of Shoulds

It has occurred to me that I struggle with the transition of the seasons ‘out there’ because I carry within the unrelenting Season of Shoulds … and every season brings inevitable grief that all the Shoulds remain unfulfilled.

It’s a stark and unforgiving landscape, this season of Shoulds: scorched and drowned and dusty and foggy. Every change out there is embraced as the potential of change within. Yet every solstice and equinox brings the hard truth that nothing changes at all, except the weather. The damning grief, frustration, hopelessness … continues on.

It doesn’t have to. I choose this dank and clenching space. It’s a pattern of the past, from when I knew no other way to live.

Years ago I discovered a new way to move through the world, and a new way to live and discover more of me, that is as infinite and relentless as I choose it. Creation Out of Deep Energy, or CODE Model ™, defining me as a divine signal in a body for the human experience, of and from the Source and always connected to the infinity that is, rather than simply the body alone. The body, then, a miraculous processor of all energy I encounter:  food and drink, emotions and thoughts, memories and experiences, all transformed and integrated into the infinity that is me as I create my world and align with my reason for being here. Yet for much of my life I lived a very different way, trained and patterned by the generations before me and the world around me to live and be judged by others’ creations and purposes, in exclusion of mine. When life is kept small and unchallenging, deeply patterned and protected, all seems well. In that smallness, however, is no room for resilience, for curiosity, for flow of ideas or energy of any kind. There is no capacity for change.

Ironically, I live in a part of the world that is blessed with four distinct seasons. Change is literally in the air, nearly all of the time as each season emerges, peaks, and ebbs into the next. In a world fixated on external referencing and isolation of self, ‘the weather’ has been reduced to the wee conversations we allow ourselves with strangers and sadly, with those we care about as well. Meanwhile, in my paradigm of all ‘out there’ mirroring our states within, the seasons evoke powerful motivations, inspirations, and desires. What I have discovered, however, is as I brace against the inevitable change, my joy at emergence soon dims to grief at what will be. In the icy depth of winter, I long for the warmth of sun on my face and scent of early garden flowers, yet as the snowbanks recede and days lengthen, I grieve that I haven’t spent winter’s cocoon writing my book, building my business, cleaning my closet. As spring flowers nod in May showers I long for the heat of summer, for days floating in salt water and feeling the vibration of the waves through the warm sand on shore, yet in the midst of summer I can already see the leaves changing colour, feel the cool sting of autumn in the air, and I panic. Summer is so short, goes the story, when it is exactly the same length as the other seasons. How I hold summer, however, is disproportionate, fighting the inevitable equinox that will bring cooler nights, crisp apples and a world slowly preparing for hibernation. But that’s okay, I tell myself, I will have lots of time in the winter to read, to write, to knit … And then it’s winter, and then it’s spring, and what have I done, except wish it away and feel the shame of failure.

Why do I do this? First, it’s the how I do it. Simple, really. Our point of power is the moment we’re in. The past is done and unchangeable. The future hasn’t happened yet and hinges on the present. If there is no action in the present, then patterns of the past run unchecked or hopes for the future swirl unresolved. To look out the window at a crisp winter day and think about spring moves me from my point of power to ‘should’, or ‘could’, or ‘maybe’. The only thing created in any of those states is a conversation are empty promises and biting criticism … why don’t you, why haven’t you … in the words of a very wise woman, blah blah blah. To look out the window at a crisp winter day and own how I use weather to distract myself, to give myself permission to avoid things, is a step toward releasing the blah blah blah and staying in the moment where I can choose to do what I want. I haven’t been in school in decades, and my children are all living on their own, yet I still check the cancellation list during snowstorms seeking those magic words: ‘school cancelled.’ I work from home, and I set my own schedule, yet in a deeply held pattern still crave permission to take a day off, goof around in my pajamas, break the routine, even though any routine I have is one I have created. See the crazy? I do now, but I don’t always until I feel the pangs of grief, the clenching of fear, then stop and listen until the ‘should’ story is revealed. I should be writing. I should be more profitable. I should, I would, I could, I will … while I AM stirs and shifts, overlooked by the patterns that run so quickly and easily when attentions are directed elsewhere.

At the first of this week I opened my curtains to a picture postcard of blue sky and a world coated in the marshmallow glove of fluffy mounded snow. Today I watch as snowbanks shrink in a light steady rain, tufts of grass appearing here and there in optimism. All week, I have welcoming the warming weather while grieving the end of winter … which in truth, was the end of excuses. No more storms to ‘knock me off my schedule’, no more cold to keep me snuggled inside, or deep darkness to shorten my workday and invite early bed. What I set out to do this winter, has not all been completed. I have, however, accomplished things of which I had not imagined. I was on the road more, immersed in stunning vistas and rich conversations. I learned what pipes freeze when and how to fix them. And I wrote, but not in the way I’m used to, by chapter and word count and deadline. I wrote instead by impulse and instinct, which in my old world looks messy and frivolous. In my infinite paradigm, it’s authentic and easy when I drop my shoulds and coulds and simply let go. Like life itself.

We have been taught to live a linear life in a world that runs in cycles. The seasons. The moon. Daylight and darkness. We as humans need the constant flow of air and blood to survive; we need the infinite flow of energy and creation to live. I live in a place that outside my window reminds me daily of the change, shift and flow that is a rich and abundant life. This approaching end of February is no end to winter, it is an end to my season of shoulds. The patterns in me grieve and rattle in the sudden chill of new space. The I AM Is enjoying the moment. I look forward to spring, as I look forward to this moment and embrace the invitation of change, of the ‘out there’ to stay in my moment within where power, choice, action all live. Easy as watching snow melt, when you know to pause, breathe, and let go.

—

CODE Model™ or Creation Out of Deep Energy™,  and Quantum TLC ™ are part of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge developed by Louise LeBrun.

Want to learn more?

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.

Contact me

As a CODE Model Coach™, I engage Quantum TLC ™ for my own discoveries and can guide you in learning how to engage it for yourself. I offer:

  • 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
  • Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
  • Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to explore what lights us up and what challenges us in living a fully authentic life.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.

 

Posted on

From a Spark to a Wave

Transformation From A Word Shared

Writers are good storytellers … and if we had a dollar for every story we told ourselves that kept us from writing, we’d be billionaires.

Instead, we place our value on those stories and spend hour after hour, week after week carrying the desire to write, and pushing it down with fear: Is my writing any good? Is it worth my time? Am I getting it right? We take courses and programs, read books about writing and join groups to discuss writing. Meanwhile, the desire churns, and our pages stay blank.

There is no replacement or workaround for just doing it: for simply sitting down, writing something, and sharing it. There is no power in the world like it. Think your writing doesn’t matter? I beg to differ. Here’s why.

Words are energy into physical form. Your words are sparks from the energy that is you, your unique vibration into the wider world. That vibration has impact in more ways than one.

Case in point: yesterday I had the privilege of witnessing massive transformation – and being transformed – because one woman wrote and shared her truth on her blog. This inspired another woman to finally set up that blog she’s been longing for, write, and hit publish. Then another woman wrote her story and shared it. Then another let out the words she had been holding back and made them public. In the span of a few hours, sparks flew and danced into waves of fire that lit up the universe and transformed everything in its path. One word, like a drop in a molten ocean, its effects spreading and multiplying, inviting all who would join, whether in writing or in intention. For words as energy flow in many directions and when mindfully shared, transform both writer and reader. Words written solo then offered up for reading become a shared playground. There is the power of the content, the resonance of a story and word choice. There is the power of intention from the writer. There is the power of invitation within the reader who opens to Be-Do-Have for their own journey from the energy felt in what they have read.  There is the power for those in the awarenesses and lives of those engaged, not writing themselves but feeling the difference in energy and actions. And there is the power landing on everyone and everything, aware and unaware, yet like the proverbial tree in the isolated forest, still descending with a bang.

I felt the waves from yesterday’s rapid-fire emergences long before I knew the content, and I chose to stay in my own conversation to own all that was moving, and not.   I even created a brilliant metaphor for my resistance. Overnight the water lines froze to my kitchen sink, as did the cold water line to my shower. Flow frozen, specific and insistent. In a hurry, I filled my kettle from the bathroom sink for morning coffee and then took a blistering hot shower … more like brief blasts of water until my skin was about to peel, then turning it off and letting it cool before repeating until I could get a decent amount of soap rinsed off. Stop and start. Hot and cold. And, in the absence of attention, no change or movement within. Temperature rose outside,  no effect inside until  I paused, noticed, and chose to engage. After mindfully directing some warm air at a few key spots, my water flow returned in minutes. How often have I withheld my fire from my writing, frozen my ideas in place with stories or distraction? There was a whole playground of enquiry for me, without even reading the messages lighting up my phone.

Flash forward 24 hours. I share my playground here, and the waves continue to move in my world within and my world out there. The words of these courageous women  who shared their words will continue to invite and awaken others, and their own transformations as well as mine continue to move through us and into the world we all share. The spark that began in a mindfully chosen community was not a ‘writers’ group’ or a program: it was a collective of women in a safe space journeying for their own evolution, exploring through a body of knowledge that reframed their safety from external to internal  and awakened them to who they are and are choosing to be. Writing in yesterday’s pivotal moment was a perfect means of expression from one person, through their being, and into the world – doing – and opening them to have more of themselves, while inviting everyone else to engage and journey as is meaningful for them.

A billion dollars cannot buy the experience of yesterday, or purchase the power of individual and collective transformation. Only awareness and choice can do that, something we all have … when we know and own that all we are and all we have in this moment is enough, is worth it, and is awesome … and that there is always more …

So, back to your writing and how you hold it in your life … is it any good, is it worth the time, will anyone read it, will I do it right? Consider answering your own questions with a fresh approach: trusting you as a divine being of energy in a body for the human experience, here to create and have an impact on the wider world. There is no right or wrong, only your unique vibration, your voice, your choice. It is not easy to choose to be seen in a world that teaches us safety lies in being quiet and ‘behind the scenes.’ The fact you want to write is a sign that it’s time to change the narrative, for you and from you.

Feel like something is missing? For me, the missing piece was … and still is … myself, when I forget who I am as a divine creator, and slip into the pattern of trained body. The process leading me to remember and reclaim myself is contained in the WEL-Systems ®  body of knowledge. When I first encountered this body of knowledge, I had the inkling that there would be a benefit to my writing as well as my life. When I chose to journey through the body of knowledge, and allow it to evolve through me, the connections and choice points became clear, layer by layer, moment by moment.

And it remains a continuous process, evolving through writing, for writing, from writing … allowing my writing to become me and my guide, a trusted part of me rather than simply a tool for hire and a means of income. That evolution began because I chose to share, and continues as I keep choosing to share, trusting the terror I feel at ‘getting it wrong’ and the resistance I feel at putting myself out there for others to comment on, disagree with, or ignore are patterns of safety from the past, a world that no longer holds any power for me or over me. I know there is impact for me in what I write. I share freely to see what happens, what’s next, to have whatever comes.

Thanks for reading!
Now, about our writing …  🙂

Want to learn more?

As a CODE Model Coach™, I engage Quantum TLC ™ for my own discoveries and can guide you in learning how to engage it for yourself.

CODE Model™ or Creation Out of Deep Energy™,  and Quantum TLC ™ are part of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge developed by Louise LeBrun.

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.

Contact me

I can offer:

  • 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
  • Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
  • Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to explore what lights us up and what challenges us in living a fully authentic life.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.

 

 

 

 

Posted on

The Joy Is In the Mess

Every year, my social feeds are flooded with any number of companies and candidates offering to help you fulfill your New Year’s Resolution to write that book in 30 days/90 days/ this year. Just have your credit card ready and let them guide you to your finished product. Now to be clear, there is no right or wrong approach to writing and by all means, invest in anything you feel will be helpful. If strict time management or writing prompts or whatever those systems offer work for you, then go for it.

My experience is that a struggle to write has little to do with outlines and organizational skills and literary gymnastics; it has everything to do with the space we allow ourselves, the identity we allow ourselves as creators, of a manuscript, of our own lives.

How do you hold creating from a blank page: exhilarating or terrifying? Making a mess? Spending an entire day writing a paragraph, then deleting it? Do any of those scenarios feel frustrating or overwhelming? Too much energy or a waste of time? Then creation may not be a safe and happy place. If that’s the case, no writing prompt or egg timer will change your outcome. Prompts and timers may lead to some effective strategies around the angst, but the angst won’t leave because it is a part of you … a part of you pressing for attention. Deal with that, learn from that, choose differently from that, and you’re on your way to writing more freely, and more importantly, living more aligned.

Creation of anything requires space, movement, and flow. Our inner space is way cluttered with experiences from our ancestors, patterns and habits we were taught, and beliefs we hold … so cluttered it can be hard to find let alone hear our authentic selves amongst it all. Brilliant artists, the mystics and authors and painters and sculpters and musicians and all those who share their expressions with the world who so deeply touch us, are creating from their authentic selves, owning they see the world differently and deeply and in those unique expressions invite us to see our world differently. Each creator finds, embraces, and hones a life designed for that full expression. The hard work is often not the art, but clearing the clutter that interferes with it.

A resolution can push through a certain amount of clutter, but does not resolve anything without a clear intention to focus on the root of the symptom.

Want effective change? Hold an intention, a promise to self that guides and encourages, and also embraces the flexibility needed as space opens, movement ramps up, and flow is engaged.

If a timer works for you, set it for, say, 15 minutes and simply sit in front of your computer/journal/paper and breathe. Inhale and exhale, mind on your breath, body relaxed. Envision what you want to write. Listen to the stories as they come up. Words. Memories. Scenes. Whatever presents itself. Notice everything, as you have not noticed before. Does the time pass slowly or quickly? Is your body relaxed or clenched? Pressure in your chest? Breath catching in your throat? Those are signs of stories angling to be heard, beliefs exerting themselves. Waste of time. I can’t write. I don’t know what I’m doing. I need help. This is a crazy idea. Those are what come up for me. And yes, I’ve written books, published books. Stories do not go away until the root from where they come is touched, owned, processed, and released. We are of infinite layers, which means there are always stories, patterns, and limiting beliefs. Our power of creation is in being okay with who we are, and open to who we can become. It is being okay with sitting to write and not writing a word, simply being with yourself for a dedicated period of time, with no expectation, no judgement. It is being okay with sitting to write and churning out something that will never see the light of day, but was important to release to get to the layer you’re called to share.

Writing can be transformative for both writer and reader, which is why we are drawn to write and fear it at the same time.

This start-stop creates pressure in the body and stories in the mind as it seeks to explain why we can’t possibly write here and now. Programs and systems can be of use, but will bump against the concrete of your entrenched patterns and beliefs and wither unless you choose to open to the writing process, and own the power of you as creator to bloom in the infinite space of the unknown. Breathe into that sentence, and feel the space open. Now, choose your next step, be it write a sentence, read a book, buy a program … and instead of trying to get it right, get curious instead, about what you write, how you hold writing, who you are. That is the ultimate story we all want to know more about.

In my journey as a writer, the CODE Model ™ provided an invitation and an outlet for my curiosity, to learn more of my limiting beliefs and my authentic self. With those awarenesses, choices become easier and more aligned, and my writing is beginning to shift from a job and a chore to a process of playful exploration and expression.

Want to learn more?

As a CODE Model Coach™, I engage Quantum TLC ™ for my own discoveries and can guide you in learning how to engage it for yourself.

CODE Model™ or Creation Out of Deep Energy™,  and Quantum TLC ™ are part of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge developed by Louise LeBrun.

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This new space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.

Contact me

I can offer:

  • 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
  • Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
  • Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to explore what lights us up and what challenges us in living a fully authentic life.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.

 

Posted on

The Courage of a Different Conversation

 

This past week, six of my co-workers, each a courageous and awesome woman in her own right, stepped in with me to co-create an exploration that breathes life into print, that shifts my creation from energy to physical existence.  A pathway to connect, engage, evolve … for to have a different conversation with others,  we must first and always have it with ourselves.

Turning the lens inward can be shocking and confusing after decades of training to look upward and elsewhere for help and answers, separate from ourselves. Guided by divinity, trust and openness to the Mystery of it all we spent about 40 hours together over two nights, immersing in process and content and our own good company that will continue to percolate over the coming days and weeks.

The magic for me had begun a year or so before.  A passing comment about ‘just a conversation‘ grated against a whole lot of things I hold to be true. How dare they!  As a writer and CODE Model Coach™ I live and witness daily how conversations connect us, expand us,  bear witness for our own evolution and hold space for the evolution of those around us. As a Roman Catholic and diocesan communicator, I experienced the potential of transformation from the past three years of Synod conversations invited by Pope Francis in communities worldwide. ‘Just a conversation‘ ? When the fiery wall of indignation moved through and my body settled, I could see the person had a point. The conversations in which we are typically engaged are quite often to live out patterns of politeness or fill spaces we have come to hold as awkward … uncomfortable because – at least for me – I feel the pull to dive in and learn more about the amazing human in front of me, and by the time my impulse feeds through several decades of patterning ..Don’t be nosy, It’s rude to ask about such things, You ask too many questions, Stop bothering them, Don’t embarrass yourself, Don’t embarrass them … what finally squeaks out are the so-called ‘safe’ topics: Hot out today, isn’t it? (Or cold, or wet, or sunny … so beautifully adaptable in a blink). Or sports. Or food. Or, with more of us preferring the company of pets to humans, ‘What a cute dog!’  Even among family and friends, endless chatter about past events, memories, who did what to whom, passing the time and filling the silence. Keeping the peace. Keeping things the same. Minimal impact, no evolution. Not good or bad. But for me for as long as I can remember, not aligned.

What if there was more? And what if I allowed myself to go there?

The comment I perceived as a dismissal … I did that to invite that wall of flame to move … welcome to life as a quantum being! That wave of fire re-ignited my curiosity of What Else could a conversation become? Who would we become if we were invited to engage in A Different Conversation?

I asked the question of myself, felt the obstacles that at first I made about my reality ‘out there.’  In sitting with A Different Conversation, I felt a foot in two different paradigms: my Roman Catholicism, and my ongoing CODE Model™ explorations. Create something new from them both? How dare I !

And, the answer is always yes. To get there, I had to own how I live my life as separate pieces within a whole, rather than an entity in flow. Holding pieces as separate keeps things from moving ‘too fast’, minimizes disruption, keeps me ‘in my place’ … patterns set for survival of childhood and, left unattended on autopilot keep running with the outdated directive to ‘keep me safe.’  My call to A Different Conversation was not only a creation for others. It was first and foremost a conversation I was aching to have with myself, to own all aspects I was running separately and welcome them home into my chosen, created life. To own the divinity that was me and the creator that I was in my own life. A metaphor of my perception of God: the great infinity from which I came and to which I will return, all aspects as one.

I allowed the separation to drop and my idea to emerge. My CODE Model™ conversations enabled me to see, own, and choose whether to keep patterns running, or release them.  In doing that, I discovered these conversations were drawing me closer and deeper in understanding, desire and curiosity for my faith teachings and practices. Both Louise LeBrun who created the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge, and the bishop who employs me gave generously of their time, their wisdom, and their creations supporting my journey as I set down ideas to paper. My vision was not offensive or dangerous. It was time.

And so this past week here we were, a courageous group of seven in a lakeside cottage, with an expansive view of water and woods, and laden with bags and bags of food … so much food (and strategic drink as well … we were at least an hour from any kind of store, and we had two nights to fill … ) Creating physical abundance in the face of the unknown. Metaphors everywhere. That we were drawn to a lake is no surprise: the human body is 90% water, and all that goes on in our external world is a metaphor for something going on in our internal landscape. We came to explore A Different Conversation and in that, we craved space, movement, and flow, in a place distanced from the distracting ‘noise’ from the past, present, and predicted. We were immersed in space, movement, and flow of the fundamental kind: waves on the shore, wind in the trees, clouds across an expansive sky, lake extending beyond what our human eyes could see but what WE as divine beings knew before we arrived.

And as we relaxed into that space, movement, and flow in our perfect cottage we slowly replicated all in our internal landscapes. Conversation ebbed and flowed as new awareness emerged. Beliefs and patterns popped up like rocks in the lake, barely visible and charting the course of flow, dangerous until seen and presenting a choice point on where to go next.  Our gathering conversation that first evening had the feel of the first day of school: attentive and respectful listening, occasional offerings, and then, break time and with the peal of laughter racing to the kitchen for recess, chatter of the familiar flowing freely in the  comfort of good food and the abundance of everything, external and internal, we were creating moment by moment.

Allow it all as perfect, I breathed as my own rocky patterns popped up. What should this look like? Am I doing enough? Am I doing anything at all? 

In each hour of conversation, shift in energy was palpable: a little deeper, a little less formal, a bit more revealed, a melting divide between ‘in conversation’ and conversations themselves.

I knew it would happen. To be sure, like breadcrumbs from my all-knowing self to my doubting intellect, I brought to our cottage a bouquet of flowers from a local farm, and to put them in, a vase of red. First chakra, colour of safety, of grounding. The flowers were lilies. One was fully in bloom, the other blossoms were tightly  closed.  By the next morning, two others had begun to open. By the time of our checkout conversation the final morning, four blooms were wide open, others just starting. Not judging them for being lilies instead of roses. Not forcing open the blooms. Simply giving them space and encouragement – clean air and water, sturdy table, room to spread out – inviting them to emerge in their own good time. I didn’t see the metaphor until our second day. Trust the impulse, in the ‘I don’t know I know.’ 

True for all of us. Each different, each awakening and evolving in our own journey, with encouragement seen and unseen to guide us, if we trust and allow it.

What did we learn in our 40 or so hours together?

We learned that we on some level know a great deal of what think we do not know.  We are each divinity in a body for a unique human experience. We are perfect in the moment we are in. We have all we need to create that which we seek. These are not messages reinforced by the wider world in which we live. There is layered and relentless patterning and messaging to keep us confused, overwhelmed, and reliant on others for knowledge and choices that belong to us. Reminders and invitations in a safe space encouraged permission for each of us to relax into it all, know what we know, and choose our truth from who we are as the divine beings we are, rather than what we have been taught or conditioned to believe.

The body does not just house or transport our divine selves: the body is a miraculous and masterful processor of all energy we encounter and ingest. This energy comes from food and drink, and also experiences, knowledge, emotions, memories, and history. The body digests shame, for example, as it digests toast and coffee. Food digested provides physical nutrients and can then be eliminated from the body. Energy digested provides awareness and information,  and can then be released. As it needs to be fed breakfast to digest it, the body also needs to be fed the shame if it is to be digested. Our intellects, trying to be helpful, keeps us from remembering painful or embarrassing events … ‘just forget about them’… ‘sticks and stones‘ … but the body doesn’t forget. The energy attached to the memory remains embedded in the cells, even as conscious memory moves on. Over time, that embedded energy festers into pain, disease, or continued stories that drip with shame and keep us silent. Conversations, with ourselves in the presence of others, can help us retrieve and feed those festering memories, stories, or beliefs to our bodies for digestion and release.

Seeing and hearing information in new ways, in visual models, printed words and discussions provide various pathways to awakening, awareness and action … if those pathways feed an aligned higher intention and purpose. And to do that, we need to stay in that different conversation with ourselves, and in the company of others seeking that same awareness: connected both to the world ‘out there’ and their internal landscape. A Different Conversation is not about discarding the old and replacing it with ‘new’. It is about reframing our knowledge, beliefs, and choices to live from the divinity that we are and reflect our higher purpose and intention. Aligned, we each can be the full expression of ourselves: ease in the life we choose to create, extending into a calm and unstoppable creation as our evolution -our purpose for being here – unfolds.

A day after our lakeside creation, the flowers continue to open. Awareness continues to emerge. ‘What next’ continues to percolate. Life in flow with every mindful breath. ‘Just a conversation’ changed my world, and keeps changing my world.

What else can ‘just a conversation’ be for you?

Jennifer

Jennifer Hatt is an author, communications consultant, publishing doula and CODE Model Coach™ .
ownyourstorynow.com

 

Want to learn more?

As a CODE Model Coach™, I engage Quantum TLC ™ for my own discoveries and can guide you in learning how to engage it for yourself.

CODE Model™ or Creation Out of Deep Energy™,  and Quantum TLC ™ are part of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge developed by Louise LeBrun.

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This new space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.

Contact me

I can offer:

  • 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
  • Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
  • Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to explore what lights us up and what challenges us in living a fully authentic life.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.