I have written in the Tuscan mountains, on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, under palm trees and beside Christmas trees. All were deeply moving experiences, in words and in energy. And in all cases I missed the point.

For the writing I long to create, writing space was not about the place ‘out there’; it is all about the space within.

As divine energy in a body for the human experience, I am aware of my ability to create my reality, moment by moment. I was waking up in the morning asking myself ‘What do I want to do today?’ Increasingly, though, the answer was fuzzy, too faint to discern, or too loud to comprehend … nothing would come to mind, or so many things would come I struggled to choose and for relief slipped into default … binge streaming or napping to tune out rather than tune in. Then I awakened to a brilliant metaphor, my inner landscape as a reflection of my home. Many rooms, all mine, all part of a single entity, yet each room with a different purpose. I don’t literally live and use all of my home all of the time. Consider the crazy that would come from trying.

Boundaries for relationships. Intentions for interactions. These define the energetic ‘rooms’ as the walls of house.

There are different areas of focus inside of me for different things I choose to do … unique areas for intensive conversations, for deep dives, for fun, for tasks, for rest, for discovery, each a varying combination of spirit and intellect and body. Yet, in the absence of awareness, I was trying to engage everything all the time, racing from idea to idea, multitasking like leapfrog from project to project, cycling frantically from ‘what now’ to ‘what next.’ I was carrying the myth of ‘freedom’ from obligations. What I lacked was boundaries and intentions, which was exhausting and made me perpetually ungrounded, unfocused and unconnected. So asking the question ‘What do I want to do?’ yielded ‘nothing’ or ‘I don’t know’ or an overwhelming feeling of numbness or paralysis as my mind searched for a finite answer in an infinite data stream until tiring out and giving up.

I called Stop on it all. Decoupled ‘boundary’ and ‘intention’ from ‘obligation’. Embraced ‘boundary’ and ‘intention’ as the means to focus my energy on the life I choose.

And I changed my question.

No longer is it about ‘doing.’ Now, I ask: ‘Where do I want to go?’

And my world lights up, inside and out. I know exactly where. And off I go.

In the moment, and in my life.

Realizing I have many spaces in my inner landscape as I do in my outer landscape for many things is gamechanging. Holding my outer landscape as a mirror to within and invitation to be mindful within, that’s magic. Like the beaches and mountains of exotic locales, lighting up unique spaces within myself.  Like my home, everything is me and mine, all is loved and all is perfect. I just can’t sleep in the kitchen sink or do my laundry in the oven, and welcome guests into my living room but not into my shower. Same as me on the inside … a space from which I pay my bills and do my taxes, a space from which I share wine and gossip with friends, a space from which I play music, a space from which I write.

I awoke this morning and asked ‘Where do I want to go?’

Here I am at my desk, on my laptop, watching the trees ripple in a breeze as the eye of a rainstorm brings momentary calm. I want to write, and it’s not just ‘get my butt in the seat’ … it’s aligned with the clear message of ‘it’s time’ and ‘I’m in the right place.’ Awareness in an instant, and that easy.

Until the next layer. Where was I going within when I wanted to write, and words wouldn’t come? Stay tuned ….

Thanks for reading and for showing up!

Jennifer

Jennifer Hatt is an author, communications consultant, publishing doula and CODE Model Coach™ .
ownyourstorynow.com

 

Want to learn more?

As a CODE Model Coach™, I engage Quantum TLC ™ for my own discoveries and can guide you in learning how to engage it for yourself.

CODE Model™ or Creation Out of Deep Energy™,  and Quantum TLC ™ are part of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge developed by Louise LeBrun.

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This new space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.

Contact me

I can offer:

• 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
• Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into writing and limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
• Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to write, exploring what lights us up in writing and what challenges us.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.