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What your parents may be doing to your writing

Struggling to find time to write? To find the words? To click ‘send’ or ‘share’ on that blog or short story for fear of what people will think or find wrong with it?

The struggle may be a symptom of stories running deep from our ancestry and upbringing. Agreed, as mature and enlightened adults the ‘it’s my parents’ fault’ rings hollow. There is no fault and blame in a world where creation and evolution are infinite, moment by moment. What can be gamechanging in our writing habits and outcomes, however, is an awareness of the stories we run within ourselves, sometimes so deeply that we are unaware they exist, or have no sense of life without them. These stories, patterns, and habits may be clawing back on the desire to write without us realizing it, a hidden brake while we push harder on the accelerator and wish we could move easier and faster.

Sounds weird and wonderful? Then we’re in the right place.

Our nervous systems are genius and intricate electrical systems, biological networks transmitting and receiving the energy that is our essence, animating our cells and sharing impulses with our brains that result in action. Ideas to words, words to paper, all fuelled by our divine selves. Words are literal sparks of our energy committed to physical form. We choose the words based on the impact we want to have. And whether we are writing a blog, novel, screenplay or social media post, the power of our words is not only our word choice, but our presence and clear intention when selecting the words, order, and form.

As writers and creators of our own worlds, we evolve unique habits and patterns. An hour before sunrise. Weekend binge writing. Careful outlines. Hours writing whatever comes up and sorting it all out later. Again, no right or wrong in the writing process, as long as it works for whoever is creating it.  There are many of us … and yes, I’m a gold star member of this club … who spend vast quantities of time anticipating, considering, or otherwise planning and plotting  for when we might have a moment to write, calling it ‘preparation’ or ‘contemplation’ or ‘waiting for the right moment’ instead of calling it what it is: avoidance and distraction. We claim to want to write, and find oh so many reasons why not today, not now, maybe later … needing more pens, or a rainy day, or more time … and in fact, we are creating the greatest and the most devastating work of fiction: that of fooling ourselves into slowing down or even stifling the writing impulse which is essentially our own energy wanting to move and be seen. We are born to create and we feel the gift that writing is, yet sometimes we are equally determined to do anything but write.

Crazy, huh? Crazy as in genius.

The world into which we were born, and continue to navigate, has made a champion out of struggle. Consider messages and role models from your childhood. Your parents, and their parents before them, and ancestors before them, were raised in the religion of hard work producing tangible results. Hands on tools, money in pocket, food on table. Their devotion ensured survival in very tough conditions, and many hoped their hard work would translate into better lives for those that came after them.

Here we are, in a different world than the generations before. Work has shifted from physical to mental; we are living in an ease our ancestors could not imagine.  Mindset today, however, remains locked in ‘survival’ and ‘struggle’, both tied to self-worth. Our nervous systems, wired into these patterns, seek energy to fuel these embedded beliefs and our intellects are ready with things we were taught and told until we came to believe them ourselves. Get a real job. Who do you think you are, sitting around writing when there is laundry to do and the environment to save? Why waste time at something no one will read anyway? Even if we’ve chosen to write something, these inner stories running unchecked will give the energetic feeling of wading through quicksand to get words down. Did our parents mean to get in the way? Every relationship, like every writing process, is unique but in my experience, even the most supportive families have unseen stories running: fear of being seen as lazy or inept, no tolerance for failure, and dismissal of those who don’t conform.

So, what to do? Do what writers always do … get curious, and ask questions. Take pen and hand and with no pressure to perform, have a conversation with yourself. You want to write but can’t possibly do it today. Why not? Breathe deeply, relax, and list all the things that come up. Again, no right or wrong, just write. When it feels like time to pause, read the list, and see what you see.
If self-conversation doesn’t work for you, consider conversation with a fellow writer or trusted person … ask your questions and discuss what comes next.

And look, in the process, you are writing. It might not be that award-winning novel you have in your dreams, not yet, anyway. It is a seed of something from you, for you, and now, you can choose what to do with it. It is also an invitation for your nervous system to adapt, to shed the ‘survival’ story and expand into a new world of creative abundance.

Want to learn more?

As writer and CODE Model Coach™, I engage Quantum TLC ™ for my own discoveries and can guide you in learning how to engage it for yourself.

CODE Model™ or Creation Out of Deep Energy™,  and Quantum TLC ™ are part of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge developed by Louise LeBrun.

I offer:

  • 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
  • Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
  • Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to explore what lights us up and what challenges us in living a fully authentic life.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.

Thanks for reading, and writing 🙂

  • Jennifer
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The Many Layers of a Gifted Book

Layer one: it was a surprise. I live in a town with a post office, and pick up my mail once or twice a week, usually around bill time. This time, amid the flyers was a parcel card, and I hadn’t ordered anything. The box came out, return address from a dear friend. Woo hoo! Considerable weight for a little box. Layer two: felt like books.

Gifts are magical in many ways. Planned or spontaneous, objects or experiences, casual or intimate, gifts take many forms and are given and received with many intentions, and when done in the spirit of sharing joy, always bring a moment of light into the world. But to me, a book as a gift is all of that and then some. Layered as the pages within it, the sentimentality, the message, the energy shared in the gifting of a book.

So, back to the  small box holding great promise on a rainy Monday morning. Coat off, bags stowed, I stand at my table and tear in. Sure enough, books.

Layer Three: all gifts of books are honoured and deeply appreciated. Whether I read them or not, would choose them or not, I hold in my hand evidence that someone took the time to share something they thought would be of interest to me, would bring me joy, and perhaps something that intrigued, delighted, or even annoyed them but you might see something I didn’t. The start of a conversation across the miles, their experience inviting mine.

I spread my gifts on the table. Three books. Curious choices. Clearly used. I read the note, and felt the warm wave of grateful tears. These were not just books. These were her books, ‘a piece of my history’, she shared in her letter.

Layer Four: a gift of the sacred, nothing to do with the content of the books, everything to do with what those books represented to a dear friend, where they went with her, where they took her. If those books could talk … and in a sense, they do. Her letter describes the two books she discovered in the aftermath of her beloved husband’s sudden death, which 20 years later still brings her to tears. Those books, paperback, thick with guidance on finding joy and caring for self with humour and ‘spunk’, as she called it, were read in warm bubble baths, perused with a glass (or more) of wine, have the warping and markings of splashes, spills, and no doubt teardrops as well. She is ready to move on, and chose me to witness and share in her journey for whatever it may offer me.

Book three is fairly pristine, barely read once … a book she found interesting in parts but overall a challenge to connect with, written by someone with more money and resulting options than most of us will ever know. What will I read it in? She invites me to learn for myself.

And there is the final layer in my surprise gift of the week: what will I do with my gift, through my gift? That is a question I ask myself daily about my gift that is writing itself. Do I sit on it and do nothing? Do I stack these books with the others for reading ‘sometime’, just as I stack words and ideas deep in my brain and body for ‘sometime’ when the tasks I deem important are not as pressing? Or, do I honour these books as the invitation they are to dive in, explore new parts of myself, make new connections that feed a more expansive life, honour the words captured and shared as the divine energy they are? And will I allow myself to see the metaphor that explains why I have so many words to share and so little time to share them?

The answer is always Yes … and on days that I forget to ask the questions, I have enlightened people in my life to remind me.

Used books. Divine invitations. In my infinite world, they are all the same, and more. So much more. Just like each of us.

Only a book can do that. A book written. A book read. A book shared. Why I do what I do, and sometimes, don’t do it enough. In a world starving for connection while drowning in content, our presence as writers and readers, whole in ourselves and sharing in community, invites energy flow into darkness in ways that cannot be duplicated.

And yet another layer, from gifts I have given and received in the form of new books, especially those written and produced where I live. A book purchased from a local author, publisher or bookstore adds financial energy to the unique perspectives and heartfelt offerings that we in the book biz dish up daily, seeing and feeling and describing things in our own unique ways, inviting you to do the same.

So write, read, share, and know that every moment spent in the presence of your words, or another’s shared, is a moment of grace. Just like moments shared with friends, with loved ones, with self. Enjoy it all, and spill a little wine or coffee, or splash some bubbles in the process.

Thanks for reading, and writing 🙂

  • Jennifer

Want to learn more?

As writer and CODE Model Coach™, I engage Quantum TLC ™ for my own discoveries and can guide you in learning how to engage it for yourself.

CODE Model™ or Creation Out of Deep Energy™,  and Quantum TLC ™ are part of the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge developed by Louise LeBrun.

I offer:

  • 1 on 1 conversations/explorations/coaching to discuss your writing and the story behind the story of not writing
  • Whispers from Within ™, a 10-day email exchange that delves into limiting beliefs through daily writing and written conversation
  • Small group conversations, in person or virtual, among those of us called to explore what lights us up and what challenges us in living a fully authentic life.

If any of these options resonate or pique your curiosity, email me and we’ll set up a time to chat.

Visit
https://wel-systems.com/self-directed-evolution/

This space for exploration includes articles, audio files, and referrals to CODE Model Coaches™ who can support and guide your journey.