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Five questions that keep me writing

I am called to be a writer, but I was not born into the writer’s life. My past is a vista of gently rolling hills of a life on cruise control, precharted and unengaged. Very safe, highly productive, but a world away from the wild roller coaster plunging into the darkness and around corners unexplored, riding on faith, hope and the fantastic joy of adventure. As writers we create stories. Sometimes, the biggest story is the one we feed ourselves to keep us ‘in line’, on a route serving the narrow agenda of others rather than our authentic selves. After decades of chipping at the mind’s prison with the verbal equivalent of a bobby pin, my spirit is emerging, squinting, and slowly expanding into this vast new universe of a life free from ‘I can’ts’, “I shouldn’t” and ‘You aren’ts’. Sitting with five questions is helping me do that.

The Five Questions

These five questions are not true/false or multiple choice; they cannot be answered, checked off, and filed. For me, they serve as lampposts on a journey still coated in the fog of my past, giving comfort in moments of isolation, guidance in those times where I’m wondering where, or if, to move on. I’m still using them. Now, I’m moved to share them.

  1. Why do I want to write? This may seem like a no-brainer, but sitting with this question was like taking a long look at the suitcase I’d been carrying unaware for so long, I’d forgotten why. Writing was something I always did, it got me through school and into a job, I had never made writing a conscious choice. Reflecting on the why allowed me to dumping that suitcase I’d been dragging for so long. I am sorting out what no longer served me: outgrown beliefs, dirty laundry, other people’s ideas …and make room for dreams and goals of my own.
  2. What am I called to write? I started with a story for a friend. I am now on a journey within myself to places I didn’t know existed. For a time, I turned off my writing in the hopes of ending the journey. Getting honest about what I was doing allowed me to make the choice to keep going. it had nothing to do with knowing how to write, everything to do with aligning my desire with my actions.
  3. How does fear manifest in my life? We all have fears, and thank God we do. Fear can be a powerful messenger and motivator, if we don’t let it take charge. Medicine can be a cure or a poison, depending on how we use it. Meeting our fears, getting to know them, then putting them in our place is part of what makes the roller coaster so exhilarating.
  4. How do I nourish my creative spirit? For years, I didn’t even acknowledge I had a creative spirit. When its presence would not be denied, I fed it Doritos and margarita, not to nourish it, but to keep it distracted and quiet. I still love my Doritos (Zesty Cheese is my favourite) and a good margarita, but only in times when I am celebrating – the end of a chapter, a great conversation, the company of good friends – for it is these things that feed my creativity.
  5. Who make me feel like a writer? Our world of commerce and tangible outcomes is rarely kind to the artistic soul. How many words did you write? How many books did you sell? These can be well-meaning from the curious or important in a business meeting but they can also be draining to a soul called to imagine, explore and discover new paths of expression. Writing is solitary but starves in isolation. Connecting with others, building relationships that feed and flow … that plugs you in to the limitless energy flowing through and around all of us.

It doesn’t matter what you’re writing…

… it matters THAT you’re writing. I have tried not being a writer, and it’s like turning off the pump to stop it from raining. My mind and body still generate ideas and stories; without writing they accumulate, overwhelm, and churn, until they leak out at the most inopportune times. Like 2 am. Or in the middle of a finance meeting. So, I keep the conversation going. Here, on my blog. And in January, in person on the island of Oahu in Hawaii. You can ready more about the Hawaiian retreat here. New voices always welcome.

About the Author

Jennifer Hatt is author of the Finding Maria series and works with other authors realizing their goals for writing. See more at OwnYourStoryNow.com

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Getting to the roots, Engaging to the core

Two weeks ago my beloved 50-foot silver maple tree succumbed to high winds and uprooted my lawn and my world. I’ve just spent five days taking my world back, not replanting to replace or duplicate, but embracing the opportunity to reach deeper, higher, differently.

The seed: a five-day program called Engaging and Awakening Others. That is what authors do and why they do it. However, some of us called to write have heard and heeded the spark of creativity, but have way too many layers of self-doubt, fear, anxiety, conditioning, and others’ values and beliefs to allow that creativity to take form and shine. This program is not just for writers; in fact, in my few years of connecting with Wel-Systems programs I have met everyone but those who make their living from the printed word. But spending these five days exploring who I am, who I am called to be and why the hell I’m not doing it will not only make me a more whole and happy person, it has given me the skills to tackle those classic writing blocks and excuses that keep my words hidden and my creativity hostage.

Here are three excuses that have locked my words and ideas in the dungeon, and what I’m doing to release them:

1. I don’t have time.
Classic strategy, and one easily sold to those who observe a busy mother of three, an author, publisher, freelance writer, communications consultant, friend … yes, I am and do all of those things, but I still have time to write. An hour, 15 minutes, a day here and there. I make time to eat, nap, pick up my children (when someone esle could do it), meet with clients, flop on the couch for reruns and linger over laundry as if it were prized artwork. I make time to do what I feel is important. Me saying I don’t have time to write is me saying writing isn’t important to me. Why would I say that and be called to do it at the same time? Because to feel its importance would be to admit that I love it, and past experience with myself and observing others is that you should love nothing or no one that much, let alone show it. You’ll be teased, you’ll be used, you’ll have your heart broken. That’s what I was telling myself every time I thought about writing. But no more. Writing is what I do. It is part of who I am. That’s why I wrote the Finding Maria series. Yes, it was to give someone I love their life back. It turns out the stories and their process of creation were also to give me back my own life.

2. My writing sucks.
The only voice to tell me that is the one inside my head, the voice of my intellect which in its bid to keep me safe needs to keep my world small and all external influences out. Quite frankly, all writing sucks and all writing is brilliant. The only thing writing can never be is perfect, which is the unrealistic ideal I set up to keep everything shut down. ‘This isn’t perfect, so it must suck … quit wasting your time and go do something useful.’ I still hear that voice. Yet as I write this, my body is absorbing the anxiety and using it to slide words from my cells to my fingers. Yes, I own it, my writing sucks. It is also brilliant. It is up to the reader, not me, which description they choose.

3. Everyone will hate me.
This is my eight-year-old voice, the one who craved attention on the playground, standing among kids bigger and older because she was moved ahead a grade, teased and avoided because she was the ‘smart one.’ Success brought ridicule, I learned early on. Fitting in, now, that was a safe place. It just wasn’t a place to be creative, innovative, or shiny, which is what writing can do. Writing can also give insight into one’s essence: hopes and dreams, fears and doubts, opinions and vision. To have someone criticize, demean, or attack anything in there is like having a chainsaw loosed on your insides. However, in finding my adult voice I realize I don’t need playground attention from those seeking the small and weak. I crave attention from those who own and love themselves, share that love and respect with others and acknowedge that when they shine, the whole world becomes brighter. To attract that attention, I have to start within, embracing the dark,light, and grey that is me, owning it all. In the past five days I’ve learned that the ‘everyone’ I was giving my power to was actually myself. No one hated me, except me. Inviting myself to love myself allows me to love the words I create. Will these words be a commercial success? Maybe. What is guaranteed is that they will be authentic, which will serve mne long after the promotion fades and the royalties dry up.

This is by no means an easy process, or over and done with in five days. This is the start of a new way of living, with thoughts fed by feelings, rather than the other way around. Like my tree uprooted, my life is now upside down. But like my tree, which has found renewed purpose in new form, so will my life, if I let my spirit and body lead my once-overwrought mind.

Have a good week!

Jennifer Hatt is author of the Finding Maria series and a partner in the publishing company Marechal Media Inc.
www.FindingMaria.com